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In Sex Outside the Lines, Dr. Chris Donaghue describes the holes in society's definition of "normal," taking a sharp eye to institutions such as marriage, cheating, virginity, identity, and sexual orientation. He also examines all the ways that accepting society's "truths" have led to the demise of long-term relationships and sexual pleasure. All of this misinformation is showing up in your bedroom and preventing you from having the sex life you're entitled to. In Donaghue's years of training in sex and couples therapy, he has developed highly successful methods for freeing clients from sexual hang-ups, enabling them to let go of shame and embarrassment. Donaghue pulls apart cultural phobias with a "sex positive" therapy practice, a kind of sexual deprograming that helps people see and accept the desires they have-even if they don't align with societal expectations-are really natural, healthy, and part of having a great sex life.
- Sales Rank: #2473025 in Books
- Published on: 2015-07-14
- Formats: Audiobook, MP3 Audio, Unabridged
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 7.40" h x .60" w x 5.30" l,
- Running time: 7 Hours
- Binding: MP3 CD
Review
"Sex Outside the Lines is not a how-to manual, but rather an excellent, thought-provoking read that examines the culture which created us, the culture in which we live, and sketches out a pathway to a culture free of sexual constraints and limitations."
—New York Journal of Books
About the Author
Chris Donaghue, PhD is a doctor of clinical sexology and human sexuality, trained doctorally in clinical psychology, licensed clinical therapist, and a nationally certified sex therapist. He specializes in the sexuality spectrum and sexually-related compulsive behaviors. Chris lives in California.
Michael Hinton is an actor of stage and screen as well as a voice-over artist, puppeteer, and writer. Classically trained, Michael has performed in New York, the U.K., and regionally throughout New England. He holds a master's degree in professional acting from the Bristol Old Vic Theatre School in Bristol, England.
Most helpful customer reviews
12 of 13 people found the following review helpful.
The most important book I have ever read on the topic of sexuality.
By Buster Ross
I ordered copies to have available for many of the clients I work with as a sex therapist. This book is water in a desert of sex negativity. It is written for everyday people, and still succeeds in clinical brilliance. It is a bright spot in the defense of sexual diversity and freedom. I would recommend this this book long before going into therapy for any sexual concern.
5 of 5 people found the following review helpful.
Philosophy, not science
By Stephen
I sought this book out after hearing Chris Donaghue on the Art of Charm podcast. He had some interesting insights about fidelity and gender roles, among other topics, and I was enthusiastic to see the fuller picture of his work.
That picture, as represented by this book, is dismally disappointing.
Donaghue is eager to tear apart traditional sexual mores, and I applaud that. Unfortunately, in his zeal, he makes no effort to understand the history of sex and relationships. He repeatedly refers to monogamy and traditional marriage agreements, for example, as “arbitrary.” He seems to imagine some kind of reverse Garden of Eden, in which humans lived in complete sexual freedom before the dark agents of society came in and ruined all the fun. He demonstrates no understanding of the biological, physical and economic realities that shaped the relationship traditions of the past and present. Some of these traditions are damaging and outdated now that those realities have changed, for sure, but they’re not arbitrary. And I don’t see how we can create a new, functional, sex-positive culture if we don’t understand where the old one came from. Donaghue has no patience for this.
Scattered between Donaghue’s interesting insights are some alarmingly stupid assertions, such as one that monogamy is no longer a realistic goal because we’re living longer today than ever before. Really? So monogamy was fine when we were only living into our 60s, but once we get into our 70s and 80s we really need some sexual variety? Nonsense like this doesn’t reflect more than a moment’s thought, let alone scientific rigor. I would expect better than this from a “certified sex therapist.”
That brings me to a disheartening point. Donaghue brings up his professional credentials frequently, but I can't even find what school he went to. I resorted to a Google search and all I could turn up was a Reddit conversation with a producer for Dr. Drew, who listed Donaghue as one of his least favorite guests and added, “Found out he's not actually psychologist at all; he has a PhD in sexuality from a diploma mill.” I don’t know if that’s true or not, but given that Donaghue doesn’t think his school is worth listing—he does, however, list the TV networks he’s appeared on—and given his casual disregard for empirically-based information, I find myself less than assured about Dr. Donaghue’s credentials.
To be fair, Donaghue is pretty open about his disregard for science. He writes: “If psychology as a science were instead seen as theory and not truth or fact, psychology could return to its philosophical roots.” He essentially argues that, because there is bad science out there, science should be scrapped altogether and replaced with his shoot-from-the-hip style of sexual propaganda.
And propaganda, sadly, it is. Donaghue pretends to advocate for a judgment-free sexual society. But his prescription is filled with judgment. For example, he doesn’t just argue that we should be open to relationships that don’t fit the traditional model of lifelong monogamy—a noble goal. He takes the extra step of pathologizing any emotions that might constrain a partner’s sexual behavior. Instead of offering practical advice on how someone might handle jealousy when venturing into non-monogamy, he just moralizes that we’re not allowed to project our anxiety onto our relationships—and shame on anyone who does.
As an unmarried heterosexual, cisgendered male—at least three of these traits also describe Donaghue—I couldn’t help but recognize in Donaghue’s writing the kind of noble-sounding rhetoric we who fit that description might use to convince women to sleep with us. Sure, I’m totally concerned about sexual freedom for everybody, not just myself. Sex is no big deal, and we shouldn’t judge. So let’s get out of here and go to my place—oh, and I don’t mind that you have a boyfriend either.
Donaghue leaves out anything that might conflict with his worldview. He argues that there is no such thing as a sexual disorder, and actually makes interesting points about how one can have a satisfying sex life in spite of what is typically labeled erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation or sex addiction. But he conveniently ignores the question of bestiality or pedophilia (again, alarming for a “certified sex therapist”). He derides feminists who are quick to label male courting behaviors as “harassment,” but can’t even spare one sentence to acknowledge that sexual harassment (and assault) is a real problem, and probably a more pervasive one than feminism run amok.
I add a second star because Donaghue does stumble into some fairly decent advice (date people who challenge you rather than going for the “safe” option; relationships can be renegotiated over time; prioritize building friendships; don’t confine yourself to relationship models that don’t work for you; etc.), and because we need more alternative, sex-positive voices out there. It would be helpful, however, if those voices were at least passingly interested in social science and professional rigor. Donaghue clearly isn't.
20 of 26 people found the following review helpful.
Contradicts itself every few pages
By Rachel Grey
A queer amalgam of useful observations, umbrella assertions, and blatant self-contradictions. It winds up reading more like a manifesto than like a book of either science or actionable advice -- which I might still have enjoyed, if it had hung together. The self-contradictions killed it for me though.
Three examples:
On page 48 of the hardcover version it says "Sex has many purposes. There is no right reason for having sex.", and it goes on to list 12 potentially legitimate reasons for having sex. I really liked this... then on page 70 I got "Have sex because you want pleasure! That's its only goal. Stop abusing it with other interests." Wait, what happened to all those other legitimate purposes?
The author acknowledges and supports asexuality in the prologue and on page 143, and then also states on page 67 that "All relationships begin with sexuality." Full stop.
Then there's porn. On page 11 we have "Erotica, sex work and higher sex drives are not forms of illness or deviance. They are all healthy and very common aspects of human sexuality." But on page 117 the book says "Once our Western culture gets over its incessant need to sexually shame people, porn will not be required." Required for what, it doesn't say; based on what research we might expect this, it doesn't say (Eastern cultures have plenty of erotica); and I don't know where that shame connection came from.
This book could be thought-provoking for the reader who's never encountered a critique of the currently idealized set of Western sexual standards, and there are some good nuggets in it for others who may be panning for gold. Just don't expect a coherent viewpoint.
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